I got through a hard day yesterday. I wasn’t sure how I was going to do it, but I did. Honestly, I thought it would be worse- like gut wrenching, can’t get out of bed, crying my eyes out all day long. It wasn’t. I even had a good time with friends last night and laughed…a lot. I got through the first “us” day as just me. As a little reward, I decided to redecorate my room. It was my room now. Not ours. I needed it to be just mine now. It could be as girly as I wanted. No holding back now. I could see Eddie rolling his eyes saying “ugh here we go” and smiling because he knew that no matter what, I would do what I wanted (within reason) and he was ok with that. Just like I was okay with whatever equipment stuff or business choices he made. We always had a balance with each other that way. It worked for us and it worked well. So today as I impulsively shopped to “Maranize” the bedroom, I heard him commenting on certain things. He was commenting in the same “I don’t care, why do you ask me, you’re going to get whatever you want anyways” way. It was comforting. Comforting to know that eventhough I wasn’t crying or thinking of him 24/7, he was still there. I’m moving forward with him, not away or from him. He’s existing with me in a different way. He’s so present with me in every moment throughout my day. On paper I’m more alone than ever but in some strange way, I’ve never felt more connected.