Goodnight Daddy

Since Eddie died, I have a much greater appreciation for the sky every night…the colors, the clouds, the stars. Every night, the boys and I look at the sky and see if we can find Daddy and blow a kiss up. One of the first nights after he was gone, Zac was inconsolable. I used my quick thinking Mommy head and suggested we go out and see if we can see Daddy. My hope was we’d see a ton a stars and I’d be able to say that was him, line all of those grief books for kids have on the covers. Totally not the case that night… of course. No stars whatsoever. I wanted to yell and get a little help here trying to navigate this “Daddy is dead” thing with the boys. Without missing a beat though, Zac looked at the sky and pointing at some crazy cloud formation (the only one we could even see) said “there he is. Those are his eyes. He’s watching us. Hi Daddy, I miss you.”
Yup, absolutely gut wrenching.
Tonight we saw the brightest star just over our house. Max pointed it out and said, “look, there’s Daddy” and we all blew a kiss up. Most days, I can put on a strong smile for the boys and hope that everything will somehow, someday be ok, but in moments like this, they remind me that it will be. He’s always watching us and protecting us. So much about this sucks, and most of the time I still want to cry, yell and break things, but finding Daddy in the sky each night helps a tiny bit.
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