It’s already been established that I didn’t choose this and this whole situation is awful and unfair. At what point though, will I find the balance?

We read all about how we are supposed to “take care of ourselves” and “find time to relax”. Great advice. Now when exactly am I supposed to have this time? I already sleep way less than is recommend. I’m already multitasking the hell, out of every minute, of everyday. There’s no relaxing. I get up super early to have time for myself in the morning and I’m greeted by a 4 year old who wakes up as soon as he hears me, dogs barking and a cat meowing nonstop.

Everyone needs me all of the time and it’s exhausting. It was a lot when Eddie was alive, but without him there is no “tapping out”. I am severely outnumbered with two kids, two dogs and a cat. The help I receive from family and friends is amazing, but everyone seems to just want me. At the end of the day, everyone being taken care of and everything being done, relies on me and me alone. There is no safety net anymore.

Today when I was “taking time for myself” and working out in the basement. I came back up, to clean up dog shit. Seemed like the story of my life lately. If I take a moment for myself, I’m paying for it and fixing or cleaning up something that someone else did. Moments like this frustrate me so much. There are no breaks.

I’m not asking for suggestions or help… just a non judgmental ear and a kind heart, which is the way we all need to be, all of the time. We never know when someone is on their last nerve or is holding on by a string. Sometimes that text or smile of just hello, holds us together and let’s us know we aren’t alone.