It’s been over three months without Eddie now. Some days it feels like it all just happened and others it feels like a lifetime ago. I have moments where the waves knock me over, but I can get up a little bit easier. Don’t get me wrong… they suck, but I know that they are temporary. Those waves will never completely stop, but we have found our routine and are moving forward. It feels more normal. It’ll never all be the same, but life is way too short, to not just accept what’s thrown at you and deal with it the best you can.

I know it’s only been just over three months, but it’s been three months… over one quarter of a year…that the life I knew, was ripped away from me. I was given no choice in any of it. The only choice I had and still have, is how I deal with it.

When I look back and everything that has happened in the last few months I think about how I’ve accomplished things that I never thought possible. I’ve been stronger than I knew I even I could be. Things that would normally knock me down, just make me wobble before I get my balance again and keep going. I went back to work. Ive made all of the calls no one should have to make. I’ve cleaned out his stuff from our room. I’ve sat at the same table (by crazy chance) in the last restaurant that Eddie and I went to. I’ve been to the church that his services were held at for the death of another loved one. I’m getting a hold of the rental properties and learning the business. I’ve untangled messes you wouldn’t believe. I’m taking steps to get the camp fixed up. I’ve gotten house projects done, with help of course. I realized I can’t do this alone and I reach out when I need to. Eventhough none of this has been easy, I’ve done it and I’m still here…still going.

Most importantly though, I’ve laughed. I’ve felt hope that life will get better and little by little it is.

I feel empowered. Empowered, that I’ve come so far.