Some days the water is calm and then a huge wave comes and knocks you on your ass. That was yesterday.

I had been feeling pretty good…crying much less and smiling more.

On the way to work, I decided to turn on the radio. I actually like the quiet drive most days, so don’t listen to it often. I wish I left it off. “Memories” by Maroon 5 came on…I lost it. The tears wouldn’t stop on the drive in. I was caught totally off guard and shaking. That wave got me.

It took some texting and tears, but my army was there to pull me back up…to listen, to sympathize and to motivate me to keep going.

If that wasn’t enough, Max googled Eddie. (Side note- I was impressed he did this and did it right.) All of a sudden I heard our wedding song from the other room…“Better Together”. My heart dropped into my stomach.

Max had come across the photo slideshow from the funeral. I had never watched it…I couldn’t. Now here it was playing. He was so excited to see pictures of Daddy on it. Zac ran in and wanted to see too. It was beautifully done, but so sad to see because those are now just memories. There will never be new ones with him. Those are it.

Just like that another wave hit me today.

Those waves didn’t knock me down for as long as they have in the past. I’m grateful for the fact that Eddie made me strong enough to keep getting back up. I’ll never stop missing him or loving him… no matter how much time passes. It’s just a balance of learning to live with the loss and moving forward, while enjoying all that life still has to offer.