Yesterday, I cleaned out my closet…again… because I have my dream closet being installed this week. My closet has always been my favorite room of the house, my happy place. I have memories from my closet in the old apartment, hanging out with friends, having wine, playing with outfits and laughing…just having fun. Don’t judge, we all have our things! Crazy how light our lives all used to be.

Throughout the years and all of life’s changes, it’s still a room that is all about me and the things I love, that make me happy. When I’m in there, it’s all about me.

I don’t have control over pretty much every other aspect of my life right now, but I can control everything in that room. So I was purging, yet again.

When I came to a few tops, all I could think of, was wearing them the week after Eddie died. Looking at them brought back the events of those days. The surreal fact that he was gone… the shock…the tears…the looks on everyone’s faces when they came to see me…the pain. I couldn’t look at them anymore and go back to all of those feelings each time I saw them. They had to go.

While memories like that are significant, the important thing is to move forward…going backwards isn’t an option. I gave myself time to accept them, feel them, “lock them away” (as my therapist calls it) and keep going.

I realized that I have to let go of the hurt, to make room for more happy memories (and some new outfits)…which is exactly what I’m doing.