The past month has been filled with learning a new job (which I love), soccer, laundry, cleaning, a little bit of cooking and a whole lot of BS.

I wish it was just the emotionally draining piece of reliving the events of last year, but it’s not…

The town of Colonie continues to fight with their lies to take the business from me.

If the last few weeks weren’t enough already, there have been meetings with the zoning board…listening to lies and trying to keep my shit together when all I want to do is scream.

Lucky for me, one of my lawyers said everything I was thinking at the last meeting. Thank God she did. As one more document from the town “appeared” she brought to light what was actually happening and had been since day one.

Once again the meeting adjourned until a later date…October 13th. The one week I was hoping it wasn’t. The same week last year that first meeting was…the one that he killed himself after. The one that changed everything.

How could I keep doing this? How could I sit there and keep listening to the lies? How could I keep fighting this? How could I keep reliving this?

I felt like the glue that’s holding me together was wearing off. There’s only so long that someone can stay composed and be strong when they are constantly getting things thrown at them.

I let myself meltdown Wednesday night. I let myself be sad. I let my mascara run…I couldn’t hold it together anymore.

Then I realized, I have absolutely no control over any of this. I just have to trust that it’s all part of the plan and it’ll work out the way it’s supposed to. Somehow giving up the need to control it, gave me control.

Whatever the result of this all is, it’ll be okay and as I’ve done this past year… I’ll figure it out and be stronger because of it.