The Next Chapter
Well here we are… another winter gone and another spring beginning. Hard to believe it’s been this long… Time definitely does not stand still and life changes whether we want it to or not. Certain things that we never thought would end, do and we take what we’ve learned from them as we move forward.…
This Christmas
This Christmas wasn’t any better or worse than the first Christmas without Eddie… it was different. Last year, I was in shock and everything stung. Everything was a change… a change I didn’t ask for. This year, I knew not to buy four pairs of matching pajamas. I had already taken his stocking out of…
Forty
Well this is 40… I am certainly not where I thought I would be at 40 years old. Part of me thought that if I never celebrated 40, Eddie didn’t really die. I know that sounds really crazy, but in my head it made sense. The more time passes, the more we are forced to…
Christmas pictures
A few weeks ago, I did family pictures for the first time since Eddie had died. Every year, I always built up our family picture session and spent weeks trying to coordinate outfits, location, weather and everything else. It consumed me and I was stressed out…everyone was stressed. For some reason I thought everything, (including…
The Second Thanksgiving
I honestly thought today would have been easier. I woke up to memory alerts on my phone… 2018. Everyone was smiling and there were a lot of family pictures. That stung. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss him and not a day will go by, that I won’t miss him. The last…
Baby steps
Last week would have been my 10 year wedding anniversary. I scheduled a therapy session for that afternoon and I braced myself for an emotional meltdown. To my total surprise, as I checked Facebook in the morning, I didn’t have one. I was okay. I looked at the pictures and remembered the amazing memories of…
Friday night
Friday night, would have been the last time we saw him, before he headed to the shop without a goodbye. Months ago, my therapist recommended writing him a letter. It became referred to as my F U letter. I had started it, but this week I finished it. I said everything I wanted to say…
One year
It’s the lunch brought to work, the dinner drop offs, the wine left at the door, the texts, the phone calls… It’s everyone holding me up when I’m about to fall. Picking me up when I’m on the ground unable to keep going. Fighting alongside me when I keep getting beaten down. It’s all of…
—You Don’t Just Lose Someone Once—
*I read this on one of my widow facebook groups and it couldn’t be more true… You lose them over and over, sometimes many times a day. When the loss, momentarily forgotten, creeps up, and attacks you from behind. Fresh waves of grief as the realisation hits home, they are gone. Again. You don’t just…
This week
This week was a tough one. I found myself reliving his final days. Realizing how much “normal” I took for granted before my life became the complete opposite. Asking myself… What was really going through his mind every day this week? When did he decide to do it? Repeating the conversations that seemed insignificant at…
Something went wrong. Please refresh the page and/or try again.
Follow Me…
Get new content delivered directly to your inbox.
Loss and Lashes 