During vacation Eddie would normally take off a few days from the shop between his firehouse shifts and we would do family things. Nothing crazy… just little day trips, out to lunches, movie days or just days home playing.

I miss those nothing crazy days. It’s funny how I used to compare them to other people’s Facebook days and wish we did more. Now I just wish we could have our boring days back. They were taken for granted and so ordinary, that they that they never made the posts. Ironic how amazing ordinary sounds right now and I would give anything for it.

Even though Christmas is over and I “made it through”, the vacation is equally painful. Everything is lonely without him to share it with. Friends are busy doing their family things. Facebook posts are all smiles from everyone making new memories, while I am here missing the happy that I had. Everyone is busy going about their lives, enjoying their vacation with their families and I am here missing mine…missing him and the life we had.

I have selfishly asked “why me” so many times a day. Why is this my life? It’s not fair. I had no say in this. I wasn’t even given time to prepare for this. It sucks.

The daily events of this vacation don’t seem as light, simple and carefree. There’s a darkness and heaviness about them as we move forward without him, missing him. They are lonely.