Today I didn’t want to get out of bed. As soon as I got up, it would mean it’s been 8 weeks since he died. 8 weeks that my life has been going, without him. None of the decor in our room is the same anymore and that helps me snap into reality when I open my eyes…every Saturday. I know it’s real and that he’s gone.

Each week it becomes more real, but those first few moments on Saturday mornings are the most painful. Saturdays may take a few extra minutes, but I know I need to just get up and keep going as he’d want me to…celebrating the little things and laughing when I can.

Today is my 39th birthday. The first of the rest, without him.
As I reflect on the past year, I was always striving for perfection in all that I did and planning for the future. I took so many of the little things for granted. Things that I wish I could have back, but I can’t.
Since Eddie died, I have had a different outlook on things and I’m living in each moment more. In the beginning, it was just a matter of survival…making it moment to moment. Now, it’s kind of stuck with me and given me a different outlook.

I realized that so little in life is actually in our control and we just have to go with it as best we can. We have to appreciate all that we have.

Going forward, my goal for 39 is to laugh more and be more present in each moment because we never know what the next will bring.