Grief… what no one tells you is that there’s not steps to follow to get over your grief. It’s messy. It’s all over the place. It doesn’t make any damn sense.

There are days when I am completely fine and all of a sudden, I start crying and missing him over something so little as a sock. Then I’m okay again. Sometimes I’m even upset that I’m happy because how can I be happy when he’s gone? That leads me to guilt. After lots of self talk, I’m okay again. Then as I scroll through Facebook or see families out and about, I’m angry or resentful of what everyone else has that I’ve lost. Other moments, I’m focusing on the future and guilty again that I could imagine a life that doesn’t have him in it.

I have no idea what is going to trigger any of these feelings and it just solidifies the fact that I just have to go with all of it and take it all as it comes. I could see the same thing numerous times a day and one of the times, the site of it could bring me to tears for no rhyme or reason. There are days that the emotions are more stable and calm, but others…like that one…where I’m a mess.

Grief is a storm that I’m stuck in. Some moments the hail is crashing down on me and I just want to give up, others I’m moving, but slipping all over from the ice. Yet, there are some that the sky is perfectly sunny… before the next wave.