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Every year, we always did something fun for New Years Eve. 16 years ago on January 1st, Eddie and his army family landed back on US soil from Iraq.

Every year since then, the army family has gotten together and celebrated the end of one year and the promise of the next. As kids started coming into the picture, getting together was more of a challenge, but the significance of the day never changed.

Last night, the boys and I continued that tradition. It was a very different celebration, more calm than a hotel party and missing one amazing guy. The night was still filled with so much love. We laughed at Eddie stories and toasted him. He’s gone, but his love and memories will live on forever, through all those that he touched.

As we start a new year, my goal is to let go of any of the anger and resentment I have about the unfair twist my life has taken. My therapist reminded me yesterday of some things: Guilt doesn’t serve me well. Neither does anger, resentment or bitterness… so I have to let them all go. I have to accept that what Eddie did was a result of his decisions…not mine. He loved me more than anything and always wanted me to be happy.

My therapist has given me the task of taking any negative thoughts and beginning to rework them into a positive. So, I’m going to try something new this year. A friend posted something she did last year and I loved the idea. Every week you write down a good memory/reflection from the week and put it in a jar. On New Years Eve, you read them all to review the year. I thought this would be a good practice for me to focus on the positives.

Eventhough 2020 had so much darkness, it was also filled with so much love. For that I am grateful…grateful for a new year with endless possibilities.