At what point does the constant memories of the life I had, become more painful than moving forward?

I think I am getting to that point. I would be doing okay and all of a sudden I’d go to make a call and there was Eddie’s picture as favorite #1. All of the emotions came flooding in, just from seeing his name on my phone. A number I could no longer call. A voice I would no longer hear. Each time this happened I wondered when I would be ready…when it would feel right…to take his number off of the favorites on my phone and in my car. At what point was it hurting me more to see it everyday, rather than to not?

I wish I knew.

I knew that as soon as I deleted his number from my favorites there was no going back. My life was moving forward without him in it. He was never coming back and things were never going to be the same. Would I regret trying to hold on to it all for longer? As soon as I deleted his number that was it.

It seemed silly to keep it, but I thought about the countless times, I pushed the button and his voice answered on the other side. I would never hear that again. I would never talk to him again. I knew he was gone but somehow it was so hard to take that button away. It would make it permanent…

There’s no timeline of when to do any of this. So I guess I just have to wait until it “feels right” and go from there. Not today though…