A few weeks after Eddie died, my therapist sent me a TED talk to watch. I had seen it years before, but it took on a whole new meaning now.

One certain thing, is that we can never go back in life… only forward.

With each thing that happens to us, we are given choices of how we want to deal with it. From the beginning, I’ve chosen to pick myself back up and keep going. Most days it took a lot of work, but as time passed, that all got so much easier. I’m able to enjoy life again. I smile and laugh. Of course there are hard moments and there always will be. It won’t matter how many years goes by, I’ll always miss him and love him.

The life I had with Eddie, brought me where I am and although the last few months have been hard, I’ve learned so much about myself and how I want to live. I have learned to never take anything for granted because it can disappear at any moment. I’ve learned that you have to live each day as your best self and do what makes you happy. I’ve learned to take things in more and in that, I’ve seen so many signs from Eddie, that everything is going to be ok.

Most importantly, I’ve realized that when we allow ourselves to be judged by others, it limits our life and our opportunities. I was always so worried about what others would think about a choice I’d made and losing Eddie has helped me to let go of that…mainly because my life looks so different than everyone else’s now. Life is about doing what feels right to each of us. There are no guidebooks or timelines for anything. We just have to live our life to the fullest for ourselves.

I feel so lucky that I have such an army fighting with me always… helping me to move forward. You are all completely supportive, never pass judgement and love me unconditionally. I wouldn’t be where I am without you.