This summer I realized something.

It’s never going to hurt less. Grief doesn’t shrink, but what I’m doing is letting in more joy. Grief and joy can and do exist simultaneously.

There certainly have been some moments where I need to take a breath and focus on something good… because the grief takes over.

When this happens I try to focus on the present. (Don’t get me wrong, there’s still days I just snap…but I’m trying.) This usually means a lot of deep breaths and taking in what’s around me. It may sound silly, but I find 5 things I can see, 4 things to touch, 3 things to hear, 2 things to taste and 1 thing to smell. This immediately grounds me. Even when I don’t make it all through, it still helps.

This happened on his birthday. I knew what date it was, but I chose to go away for a fun weekend. I was having a wonderful weekend and happy… then I was flooded with Facebook and texts. I thought… I should be upset, I shouldn’t be enjoying myself.

This obviously made the grief take over, but in that moment I made the conscious decision that I was going to let myself be sad that he was gone, but also to enjoy the time I was having in that moment. I felt selfish and guilty…but remembered I’m still living and I still have so much to experience and enjoy. I had to let that joy in.

It was right then and there, where I truly saw how two completely different emotions can be present at the exact same time. Sadness that he’s gone, but happiness about the life and experiences that I have in front of me.

The grief will never go away, but the life I continue to build and the joy that I allow in will keep filling my jar up.