In preparation for going back to work and the hopes of simplifying my life, I was yet again cleaning my closet…with some help. I love purging my clothes and am really striving for a work capsule wardrobe (thank you Tai!) While I was purging I was really torn with a few items:

• The absolutely beautiful and perfect dresses I wore to his services

• My “Mrs. Person” embroidered teacher sweatshirt

• NY Giants gear

The Giants gear made me laugh- I have no interest in football, but dressed to support Eddie’s team because it was important to him. I got the cutest and girliest tops I could find (hello Touch by Alyssa Milano). The Giants weren’t me though…they were us…they were him…they were ready to go.

My sweatshirt was a tough one, it labeled me as his wife…just like I felt the wedding and engagement rings did. As I felt weird wearing them, I felt the same way wearing the sweatshirt. I will always love him, but the label wasn’t me anymore.

The hardest were the dresses. They were the most perfectly fitting dresses for me and would probably have been my go to event dresses…if I didn’t say goodbye to Eddie in them. Everytime I looked at them hanging in my closet, I saw flashbacks of those days…the wake, the funeral, the burial.

As my therapist asks, “does it serve you?” The answer was no. They made me sad to look at. I was torturing myself to keep them hanging there, knowing I’d never wear them again, no matter how beautiful they were.

I didn’t want anyone else to wear my memories, they were mine to treasure…I didn’t want to share them. I folded them all up and put them in a box. They’ll always be there, just like the memories, but they don’t serve me to hang there and remind me of sadness. I needed to make room for better things (and clothes!) to enter my closet and my life.