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Friday night, would have been the last time we saw him, before he headed to the shop without a goodbye.

Months ago, my therapist recommended writing him a letter. It became referred to as my F U letter. I had started it, but this week I finished it. I said everything I wanted to say to him (with a lot of f*** yous in it)

As I ended the letter though, I forgave him.

I forgave him for killing himself and leaving us. It doesn’t serve me to hold onto that anger.

Once I wrote those words and repeated them, a weight was lifted. I was no longer holding onto those draining and negative emotions. I could breath a little easier.

I knew I needed to do something to signify letting go of those things, so I decided to set off a paper lantern and burn the letter.

It was so much easier in my head…

First off, we majorly struggled opening the damn lantern. The directions were a hysterically funny, hot mess.

Once we finally got it set up, only half of the thing lit on fire. The rain didn’t help of course.

It finally went up and as we yelled at Eddie, the sky lit up with lightening. Maybe it was a coincidence, but I like to think it was him.

It was time to read and burn the letter… with a super soaker on standby.

As tears rolled down my face, there was thunder.

He was always going to be there for me… just differently.